Today's rambling: Meet me on the Kissing Bridge
Written on August 18, 2001 at 1:12 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Blah, there's this new feature that lets you change the size of the little white box you write in, and I'm thinking I liked it MUCH better the way it was before...when it was unchangeable. Andrew, change it back, please! Hehehe...nah, if most people like it, then whateva! It's not like I'm going to DIE looking at this strange screen! I just wish I knew what the box size was BEFORE you made 'em changeable!

More bad news in the world of Berry. My two dwarf hamsters, Attitude and Sparkles, died. I don't even know what happened...Mum just went in today and they were both dead. They live in separate cages, in a room that also has gerbils. The gerbils were all perfectly healthy, but my two sweet babies were dead. I don't understand how it happened...I mean, if it was just one of them, then I'd wonder but it wouldn't be so mysterious, y'know? But both of them? I feel like my heart's been ripped out...those two were my babies, and I loved them so much, despite how stupid it might sound for someone to love her pets.

Anyway, I was asleep when Mum found them, so she buried them, then went out and bought two new dwarfies. Her heart was in the right place, and I love her for doing that, but at the same time it was too soon. Every time I look at the two of them (both are males, whereas my first 2 were females), my eyes start tearing up and I get that general "I'm about to cry" look. And when I cleaned out Sparkles cage tonight to put the two new guys in, I just bawled my eyes out. I think I needed some healing time before I got replacements. Not that these two will ever replace my girls, but you know what I mean. I'm just hurting right now. I'm actually about to cry again, but I'll refrain because I've done enough of that today.

So I'll talk about something happier, just because I can't let myself dwell on this. Tomorrow (well, today now, since it's after midnight), Tiff and I are going to the Renaissance Faire! It's about damn time, too...I was beginning to despair of ever going! Granted, this is their opening weekend, so it's not as if we've missed tons of dates, but I wasn't sure we'd be able to go this weekend! But it's her last weekend before college, and it's probably going to be my only free weekend, so it was just perfect! Neither of us have our costumes done (well, I don't know if she rushed and finished hers, lol, but I don't even have fabric for mine), but I went out to Wal-Mart today and bought a skirt and shirt. Can't explain the skirt...It's one of those long, crinkly type skirts that look like something hippies would wear. *giggles* Nice description, eh? It doesn't look REALLY period-ish (well, it doesn't look like period garb at all), but it'll be better for me than walking around in jeans or shorts or something.

How can you curtsy to Her Majesty when you're wearing pants? ;)

The Faire opens at 10 am, so we're going to leave around 8:45 or so. That means I'll have to get up early, which sucks, but I don't usually mind getting up early if it's for something I want to do. ;) And I've been waiting years for the Ren Faire, so I think I can certainly wake up earlier than usual! The only thing I'm worried about is the weather...the shirt I bought is made of this material that I don't typically feel comfortable wearing unless the weather is cooler. I know, I'm really weird, but it's just something about certain materials...I can basically wear T-shirts and that's it. Anything else makes me too uncomfortable! :oP

So yeah. Ren Faire, here I come! I had to borrow money off Mum, which I felt terrible about because she's already low on funds, but there was no one to take me to work to get my paycheck, so I told her that she could have my check after I'd signed it and cashed it, all that fun stuff. I think she gave me more than I'll have waiting for me at work, but I'll just have to pay her the rest out of my next paycheck!

Blah, now that made me think of my job, and I'm all down again. Have I said that I hate that place? No? Okay. I hate that place. *cheeky grin*

I feel like, with all my friends going back to college, that I'm being left alone or something. I know it sounds totally ridiculous, because it's not like I'm never going to talk to them again, but I feel left out when they talk about getting their supplies for college, or talking to their new roommates, that sort of thing. I don't think I'll ever be able to afford to go to college myself, and truly told, I don't know if I could handle being away from home so much anyway. But I still feel kind of envious of that pre-term excitement everyone seems to be in! Even Mel is going to be taking classes! Well, I can't say I'm exactly jealous of her...she irritates me too much to invoke feelings of jealousy. ;)

People have my diary on their favorites list thing, can you believe it? I shouldn't look, I know, but I get all warm and fuzzy to think that people actually like my diary! Hehehe...not that its purpose is for anyone besides myself, and I'm not writing to please anybody (because if I was, I wouldn't have written all that depressing drivel), but still, they like me! They really like me! *giggles* Okay, well maybe I'm going a little too far on that one, but leave me to my happy land of delusion.

Oo, another of D-land's new features is some kinda note thing...like a guestbook, where people can leave the diary author notes? It kind of scares me, actually, which is why I haven't put a link to mine on my diary. I mean, it would be great if anyone who left a note wrote nice things, but of course there are those ignorant jerks out there who would just write something mean, and that's not really what one wants, especially about her personal thoughts! So I'm not linking to the note-writing thing. Besides, if I did, it would be like I was writing this for the public's enjoyment, you know? Like, "Hey, I've written all this witty stuff, so sign your name and tell me how much you love me!"

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna keep writing. ;) It's my therapy time, hehehe....

Anyway, it's also time for me to go! After 1:30 am, and I need to get some sleep so I can be wide awake for the Ren Faire! Hopefully there'll be some cute guys on the Kissing Bridge....*laughs* ;oD