Today's rambling: Super Girl
Written on August 6, 2001 at 10:01 p.m.
while feeling a bit

My head feels like it's going to explode.

Lately, because of the lack of rain, my allergies have been really acting up, and today I've just been miserable! My head hurts, my nose has turned into a veritable faucet (nice image, eh?), and in general I just feel like going back to bed! But I already slept quite late today, so there's no use in going BACK to sleep! I took some nasal decongestant (sp?) tablets a little while ago, though, so hopefully things will get better!

I could have taken those pills much earlier and spared myself most of this suffering (hehe...'suffering' is a bit strong), but I don't really like to take medicine. The only times I take ibuprofen is when I'm having abdominal-type pains (I can't tolerate that sort of pain at ALL), or if I get a headache that starts hurting a lot. Most headaches I just tolerate 'til they're over, and I rarely take medicine for anything else. I don't know why, I guess it's just that I don't want to build up a dependence on drugs! And sometimes, if I'm actually sick, I don't like taking medications because the taste just makes me feel worse!

Anyway, I'm listening to one of my Queen CDs right now...Greatest Hits III, as a matter of fact! And there's a few lines to this one song 'No-one But You' that I really like:

I like the 'they're only flying too close to the sun' part best, hehe...I don't know, it just has neat imagery to it! And there's another line to a Queen song that I like (the song's called 'White Queen'): 'The White Queen walks and the night grows pale...'That one doesn't really have the significant meaning that the first song does, but it's still very poetic!

It's funny how some lyrics from songs just stand out. Like, there's this new song from Train, and I don't know the exact lyrics but it goes something like 'Now that she's back in the atmosphere, drops of Jupiter in her hair...' and it's just neat!

Most of my favorite lyrics come from Queen songs, though, which (if you know me) is probably unsurprising! Some songs (like 'These Are The Days Of Our Lives') are great all the way through, while others just have a few lines that really stick out. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that Queen is my favorite band, but even if they weren't, there are just some lyrics that you can't help but notice! Oh well, that's just my opinion, anyway! ;)

Ugh, my head is still pounding! Go away, allergies, go away! I think part of the problem might be stress/tension, though, too...for several days now, my jaw has been aching, which is a sign that I've been really tense. And I've tried to do all sorts of things, like yawn to loosen the muscles, and lay down to relax, but it's not working! I guess maybe the tension is because of my job, but it's so weird because most of the time I don't realize that I'm stressing about things, you know? I feel like I'm doing alright, but then I get these signs (such as my tense jaw muscles), and I think "Hmm, maybe this is bothering me after all!"

Now the question is, what could I do to STOP all this stress and tension? Take control of some things in my life, definitely. But I don't know where to start! The logical place (for me) would be to get my driver's license, so that I could drive myself around instead of relying on others. But that would just ADD problems, because then I'd have to worry about where to get the money to pay for my car insurance, and I'd have to find an affordable car (or find a way to fix the white car that doesn't run well)...On the other hand, though, I'd be able to get the kind of job I WANT, instead of working at Genuardi's.

At any rate, I'm just pouring out ideas here...I don't want anyone to lecture me, got it? *looks meaningfully at her friends*

Hrmm...Tiff's online, and I said 'Moo?' to her, but she hasn't responded yet...have I done something to make her angry? *giggles* I can't imagine WHAT, but who knows with me, right? ;) On the other hand, she could just be away from the computer and/or having computer problems, which would mean that she's unable to respond. I'll find out eventually, right? ;) In the meantime, I'm not going to worry, because getting paranoid isn't going to solve anything (and paranoia is a really ANNOYING thing anyway!).

Mum told Frank about how she and I (and possibly Tiff, if you want to go, Tiff! *giggles*) might be going to Wildwood, NJ soon, and he was like, "Aw, I LOVE Wildwood!" So I think he's going, too! LoL! It's so funny how he's become such a good friend, because in all honesty, we haven't really known each other that long! I think I only knew him for a couple of months (if that) before I quit Genuardi's the first time! But he was one of the main people who really wanted me to come back, and he's always inviting me to come to parties and stuff like that. He's so cute, LoL!

I feel so bad for him, though, because he's still got it pretty bad for Erin (though according to Mum, he doesn't really admit to it), and Erin's just...bleh. I wish I could tell him that Erin's not worth agonizing over, that she flirts with every guy and doesn't really care how she toys with their emotions, but I couldn't do that to him (and besides, I don't think I'd have the courage to say so anyway)! I think he's afraid that she likes this guy named Jay, who even though I haven't yet talked to him, seems like a total ass. But I talked about him in my last entry, I think. Anyway, turns out that Erin and Jay went to the beach yesterday, I think..or maybe it was today.

It all just reminds me of something I read in someone's diary (a guy named Joe, I think)...he said that girls always seem to go for the bad guys, the ones who treat their girlfriends terribly, and I'm starting to think that's true! We always say that we want a really nice guy, someone who will take care of us and care about us and all of that, but yet when we meet the nice guys, we tend to cast them aside for the bad ones! And here's my take on why that happens: in some way, I think we go for the 'bad' guys because of some poetically romantic idea that beneath the bad exterior, there lurks a kinder, gentler guy who's been repressed.

Kind of why a lot of girls go for the villains in TV shows and movies (well, so long as said villain is relatively good-looking)...physical attraction definitely factors in, but also, we envision ourselves meeting this bad guy and discovering that he is good, he's just had a terrible upbringing or something that's made him bad. And then we want to help him bring that good side out, blah blah blah.

It works in stories, but 9 times out of 10 in real life, those bad guys are bad all the way through, and there's no chance of redeeming them. But the girl just can't grip that fact, can't let go of the idea that "I can help him find his good side!", and so we go out with them. And when he cheats on us, or abuses us (whether that be emotionally or physically), we go off and weep like a tragic heroine from a sappy romance book, waiting once again for that nice guy (who we brutally brushed aside for Mr. Bad Guy).

It's all very vicious, isn't it? To kick the good guys to the ground just because maybe they aren't as 'exciting' or attractive as the bad guys, and then we cry when the bad guys treat us...well, badly. This is the first time I've ever actually thought about it, so you're being witness to a Berry Revelation. ;) And you'd think I would have realized it sooner, seeing as my first/only boyfriend was a creep. Although, I didn't know that he was at first...I thought he was a nice guy, and it wasn't until he came back from Marine boot camp that I witnessed the extent of his Creep Factor. So technically, I wasn't attracted to him because of BGS ('Bad Guy Syndrome'). Ah, I feel better now. ;)

But back to the Erin-Jay-Frank triangle thing, I think that's exactly what's going on. Frank is your typical 'nice guy': he's sweet, and caring, and all of those other things that make him prime for being stepped on. Jay, on the other hand, appears to have all the qualities of a Grade A Jerk, and because Erin doesn't seem to know what on earth she wants, she goes for this short ass (yeah, he's really short..probably like 5 feet tall or something). I don't really know if she has any interest in him, because Erin will flirt with anyone of the male species. But if she went to the beach with him, I would think it's more than just idle fancy. Or maybe Jay invited her to go along, which would definitely be a sign that he likes her. Well, they'd be better suited for each other...they're both players! :oP

Hehe, I think I know how Janette feels...I'm always wanting to make things better for my friends! Tiff and Dustin miss each other during the summer, and I think, "I wish there was something I could do to help them both!"; Laura starts feeling down and I try to think of things to make her feel better...It's not that I don't like the fact that I want to help people, it's just that I wish I didn't worry about it so much! I can't help everyone!

Oh well, to all my friends, just know that I love you dearly, and even if I don't say much more than 'Aww!' when you tell me your problems, know that I do care and that if I could, I'd solve things for you! :)

That was your Sappy Berry Moment. ;) I'm going to go now (Tiff did reply to my 'Moo', hehe, so I was right not to get paranoid!), and I hope that everyone has a terrific day/night/whatever! =)