Today's rambling: More late-night introspection
Written on Monday, Jan. 17, 2005 at 3:40 a.m.
while feeling a bit

Y'know what was nice about Kristen's party last night? It was fun without any alcohol whatsoever.

I'm getting rather sick of the fact that any time someone has a party around here, it always--ALWAYS--includes alcohol. A lot of it. And then everyone gets drunk and acts like a total jackass, and woohoo! What a load of fun that is!

Obviously, I'm no stranger to alcohol. I was at the bar quite frequently there at the end of the semester. And, as I've shared before, I've gotten rip-roaring drunk a couple of times, too. But...I don't know. Maybe I really am no better than the rest of these people. But whereas I just go out occasionally, these people feel the need to drink and get drunk on a regular basis.

Everyone I know here at college is starting to turn 21, and with that, they're going out and buying lots of alcohol, then having these little parties at their homes where they play drinking games and just generally wait until they're so plastered that they can't see straight. I've participated in drinking games before, and I think they're stupid as hell.

Anyway, I don't know. It just disgusts me, the way everyone is so into poisoning their livers on a regular basis. What is so damn exciting about alcohol, anyway? I wasn't all that interested in it before I turned 21, and even after I turned 21, it really wasn't that big a deal. I enjoy it on social occasions as something to relax me, and two or three times I've used it as a crutch because I was so uncomfortable (which isn't anything to be proud of)...I guess, with a few exceptions, I just seem to be more responsible than the people here.

And that leads me to wonder what kind of situation they grew up in, if alcohol is this exciting to them. I grew up in a household where it was okay for me to taste things if I was curious. Never an entire glass of anything, just a sip, and except for Kahlua, a taste was more than enough. Is that why I'm so unfazed by it now, or is it just my personality in general? As it is, I'm really not impressed by the girls I'm referring to (they're all in my fraternity). Whereas I joined the fraternity with the mindset of joining any other type of club, I really think these girls are the weak sort that wanted a flock of sheep to enter. And they really ARE like sheep. If one girl thinks up something clever, all of a sudden the rest of them are also using that line, or that mannerism.

It's something I've never understood. While I realize that all our personalities are made up of things that are adapted from those around us, I also realize that some of us make more of an effort to mimic than others. And even at the expense of the serious ridicule I received, I never felt the need to conform. What's the appeal in being exactly like someone else?

This is all straying away from the original topic of this entry, but I'm just fed up with this group of girls in general. Yes, I suppose in a way I'm a bit envious, because last year I'd be invited to all of this stuff that's happening, and now I get invited to none of it. And it's not like I'd have accepted anyway; in fact, I'm sure the reason why I'm not being invited NOW is because I never accepted the invitations! I suppose I'm just fickle and contrary...which is nothing new.

I think I'd like to have another party similar to the one Kristen held last night, but it disappoints me when I realize that no one would want to come if alcohol wasn't involved. When did I start surrounding myself with people who were obsessed with getting drunk? Are they trying to escape from something? My life sucks completely right now, but I haven't been trying to use substances as a way to get away from it. When did fun start equating with alcohol, instead of just hanging out, watching movies or playing games?

I need to get myself back amongst an older crowd...or at least more people my age who don't oppose alcohol socialization, but also aren't dependent on it. Because ever since these people have hit 21, they're absolutely impossible for me to deal with outside of fraternal activities.

Beer pigs, the lot of them!